April 10th, 2017 was my super-sweet 16th birthday into the body of Christ! So here is a letter to my new Christian self.
Dear Myah at 10,
One of the things you’re going to learn about God
over the years, is that he has a sense of humor. And he’s creative. Like you.
In fact that’s one of the things the two of you have in common. Creativity is
one of the ways you will relate to him. He’s also persistent; and as you will
find as you get older, that’s a trait that he passed on to his baby girl (you).
Right now, you’re in elementary school and you have just accepted Jesus into
your heart. You know he is real and you have determined within yourself to
follow him. And sweet girl, as I write this letter to you from a woman’s
perspective, I am so proud that you have and you did.
One thing you don’t know is inside of you, is an
ability to stand alone in the face of adversity. You, little warrior, are
strong. You are relentless. And even
though you sometimes feel insecure, and small and not good enough, you are so
extraordinary. The next decade and a half of your life are going to be joyous,
adventurous, painful and unexpected. Those dreams you have of going to Julliard
or Columbia, as it turns out, are not a part of God’s plan for your life. That
little town that you so desperately want to get away from (yes, even at ten
years old) you will still live in at 26. Those friendships you think are
forever, well sweet girl cherish them. As you grow older, very few of the kids you
grew up with will remain Christian. The decision you make to stick with Christ
will cost you many friends. It will even cost you your best friend.
You’ll still be singing. Though that music degree
you thought you would get will never come to pass. And at first you won’t be okay with. Okay,
for many years you won’t be okay with
it and you will find yourself in a perpetual state of asking God “what are you doing.” Even now, 16 years
later, you don’t completely know what he is doing, but if you have learned
anything about God, you have learned that he is always up to something and that
he loves to catch you by surprise.
In the next decade and a half there are going to be
many people who will betray you. There are going to be people who are going to
make you question your worth. There’s going to be that guy who makes you wonder
if he was in fact the one who got away. Your dreams are going to take much longer
than you expected and sometimes that’s going to make you wonder if you are
forgotten or if God really loves you. You’re not, and he does. Little warrior
you are going to make your grown up self so proud. You are going to overcome an
addiction to pornography. You are going to become healed from the pain of
rejection and molestation. You are going to stay a virgin though middle school…
high school… undergraduate… and a master’s degree. You are going to learn to
submit to the leading and guiding of your earthly authorities and you are going
to learn how to allow the Holy Spirit to change your compass over… and over…
and over.. . and over again.
But the thing that is going to amaze you about God
is how much he knows you. He knows you so much better than you ever knew
yourself. And every single time you thought he was denying you of something,
you’re going to find that he was shifting you and shaping you into who you
really are. As I write this to you, sixteen years after you accepted Christ, I
want you to know you don’t have it all together. You haven’t lost the weight;
in fact you’ve gained more weight than your grown up self would like to admit.
But let me remind you that you are persistent my dear and every time you fall
down in your weight struggle you get back up. Every time. And one day, you
won’t fall. You’ll get up and you’ll stay up and the weight loss, like every
other struggle in your life will be a testament to God’s unfailing love and his
infinite glory.
Right now you desperately want your own identity.
People associate you with Mike and Mallory. You never feel like you own
yourself. While many of your peers are
trying to break away from their families and establish their own identity, you
want that too. But there’s this thing inside of you that keeps you close. That
thing that’s pulling you close to them, that thing inside of you that you can’t
explain, is destiny. The four of you are going to pioneer a ministry called One
Vision Outreach Training Center. You’re a vital part of it. And it’s an even
bigger part of you. As you age in Christ
you will become increasingly more compassionate, but decreasingly less
sensitive (thank God, you cry a lot now, lol.) You will fall in love with worship. Yep, read that twice. You will pursue
things you never knew you wanted and one day when they are placed in front of
you, you will realized that a whole piece of you has been missing and now it’s
finally there. Sixteen years after you become a Christian, you’ll still be
radically imperfect but you’ll desperately work towards surrender. And God will
feel so close.
Oh, and that play that dad took you to that led to
your salvation. That was no accident. When you grow up, you’re going to write a
lot of plays. Some of them will even have calls to salvation at the end. I told
you God has a sense of humor.
I’m so proud of you,
Myah at 26.
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