Often, college is an easy time to lose your footing,
on the track toward purity. No one is exempt from temptation. When I was in
undergrad I felt immense pressure to be sexually active. I desperately wanted
to please God by saving my body and waiting until marriage to have sex; yet I
also wanted the guys on campus to like me and to fit in with the “sophisticated”
women at my job. Staying pure was an emotional and social fight and in the
process, I had to develop coping skills and mechanisms to assist me. Here are
some of the things I did and encourage you to do to stay pure in college.
1. Strong accountability-
In order to stay pure, I came under strong accountability. I was very honest
about my sexual needs and desires with my accountability partners. It was a no-shame
game. I knew I had to be honest in order to stay pure. If I did not express my
heart honestly, it would have been easy for me to hide and fall into hidden sin.
I let my accountability get “all in my business.” And I can say it has paid off
so far. At 26, I am still a virgin and I am still praying and trusting God for
my purity.
2. Find a Christian big sister who is waiting-
You need at least one example of a woman who is or has waited until marriage to
have sex. I actually had two ladies who were my “purity big sisters.” My
Christian big sisters would call me and talk to me about purity and waiting. Sometimes
they would send me resources and pray for me. Their guidance greatly helped me
to grow spiritually and encouraged me that waiting was actually possible.
3. Surround yourself with Christian friends:
More often than not, non-believers are not going to encourage you to stay pure.
Be sure to surround yourself with like-minded Christian friends who will
encourage you to maintain your purity. Note, the emphasis on like-minded. If
your Christian friends are into premarital sex, then they are not the group you
will want around you on the road to purity.
4. If you can’t find Christian
friends, resolve yourself to a period of solitude.
One of the prominent reasons I often hear of why people don’t have Christian
friends is because they cannot find Christian friends. This is real a experience
for many people and this is valid. However, it is not an excuse of why you
should lower your standards and choose friends who are not godly. What we
meditate on we become like. If you cannot find Christian friends, perhaps God
is calling you to a space of solitude or to a time of separation to take you
into deeper intimacy with him. Either way, no friends are better than a group
of compromising friendships or friends who will lead you into sin.
5. Read books on purity-
Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17). If you
want to encourage yourself, read Christian books on purity. Some of my faves
are Every Young Woman’s Battle
(Shannon Ethridge) and The M Word
(Debbie Adebayo).
6. Memorize scriptures on purity-
We are transformed by the renewing of our minds. (Romans 12:2). Thus, if you
want to gain strength in purity, take time and memorize scriptures on the topic
It will renew your mind to pursue waiting in a Godly way and will also
encourage you in your journey.
7. Be very selective with whom you
date or make a choice not to date at all for a period. There
were many times during undergrad when young men would approach me for dates and
I knew they were unsaved. Not only does the Bible tell us to not be unequally
yoke (2 Corinthians 6:14), it is unwise to date guys who are not on the same
track to purity as you are (that includes in thought, word or deed.) For
example, if a guy is willing to not “have sex” with you but wants to
participate in heavy petting, oral sex, or other modes of sexuality (outside of
penetration) he still does not have a godly view of waiting and should not be
dating you.
8. Learn how to control your sexual desires
and offer them up unto the Lord. If you a human being,
you have sexual hormones. It is what it is. You are going to have times when
you are aroused (especially when Aunt Flo pays a visit and your sexual and
reproductive hormones are heightened). Arousal is not sin. It is a chemical
response that God created. It is what you do with the arousal (outside of
marriage specifically) that distinguishes rather or not you honor God. Be
honest with the Lord about your physical needs. Express to him what you feel.
Then ask Him to help you take control of your flesh. This does not mean he is
going to take that natural chemical response away, but rather it means that
when you experience times of sexual arousal you will be able to practice self
control and put your sexuality in the proper place.
I pray this is helpful!
XOXO,
Myah Lonye’
0 comments:
Post a Comment