Is Virginity an Outdated Concept?

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Let’s begin here: I am 26 years old and I am still a virgin.

There. I’ve layed it out on the table; and while some of my readers might think “we’ll duh, you’re a Christian, of course you are a virgin.” Many other’s probably gasped a little at the concept. This isn’t for bragging rights, or to showcase how “holy I am.” Trust me; I am the closes thing to flawed that a human being can be. However, in this area of my life, I have a resounding passion to speak up and to speak clearly.

Purity until marriage is not a choice. It is not an outdated concept. It is not unrealistic.

 Rather, purity until marriage is a Christian responsibility and a Christ centered expectation. If you consider yourself to be a Christian, then Christ expects you to be pure until you are in the right circumstances to embrace sexual intimacy- and that would only be in the confounds of a covenant (male and female) marriage.

The Bible is not time-stamped for relevance.

It transcends cultural norms and social constructs. Society tells us that each generation must decide what their norm is, i.e. how they want to live, interact and socialize, how they feel about religion and faith, etc. However, the Bible gives us very strategic instructions on how we should go about living our daily lives and that includes how we should approach sex and sexuality. Here are a few common lies that people often believe about sex outside of marriage and it’s relevance for now.

1.      That it is not “that bad”

Sin is sin. Whether it’s gossip, murder, gluttony or fornication. God holds all unrepentant sin the same. The word of God has deemed sex before marriage, as fornication, which is sin. The promise of sin is hell. (1 Corinthians 6:9-20)

2.      If I fall once, it’s no big deal. God will forgive me.

Yes it’s true that if you ask for forgiveness, God will forgive you. God is a god of forgiveness, but He is not a God who embraces presumptuous sin (sin we intentionally do, with the intent to repent for it after committing it.) It doesn’t bring Him delight. He doesn’t want his children to fall into sexual sin and then repent later. Instead, he wants them to run from sexual immorality.  (Psalm 19:13, 1 Corinthians 6:18)

3.      It’s hard.

 So?  And I mean that in the most caring, sensitive way possible. Dying on the cross is hard. Being mocked, beaten and scorned for things you did not do is hard. Having your children disobey you despite how much you love them is hard. What Jesus did at the cross and what God continually does for us day in and day out is hard.  In comparison, abstaining from sex outside of marriage is not hard. And you can rest assured that it’s certainly a lot easier than hell.

4.      No one waits until marriage these days.

First, let me say that’s not true. While the statistics are not concrete, recent studies reveal that anywhere between 5 % and 30% of the American population waits until their wedding night before engaging in sexual intercourse. Secondly, since when is it okay to decide to embrace sin based on its popularity?  As mama always said, “would you jump off a bridge just because everyone else is doing it?” As Christians, we have to learn to stand for righteousness, because it is right. Nothing more, nothing less.  You don’t get to say, “Well in today’s culture, no one waits until marriage to have sex.” God has no plans to change His mind. If he said don’t do it, he means don’t do it. He’s not looking down from heaven thinking “oh, geez. In 2016, it’s popular to have sex outside of marriage. Let me change My Word and the promises of My Word to fit the social norms of humans in the 21^st century.” Ummm, nope definitely not going to happen.

I won’t tell you my entire story in this blog post (it would be wayyyyy to long. Definitely something I need to share in another post). However, what I can say is that I am empathetic to the difficulties that surround purity. I understand what it feels like to experience sexual abuse and then still have to trust God with my purity. I understand what it feels like to struggle with pornography addiction and then still have to trust God with my purity. I understand what it feels like to have good “Christian” men, attempt to seduce my heart as a means to have my body and then still have to trust God with my purity. I get it. I’ve lived it. But as I’ve walked through the walk of purity, what I’ve found is that ultimately waiting is an act of faith and obedience.

What will you choose?

 

 

 

Heart Check:

1.      What is your approach to purity?

2.      Are there areas of your life where you are not living pure? If so, what are they?

3.      If you are struggling with your purity, what are some tactics of support that you can use to help you overcome the struggle? (i.e. finding accountability? Joining a Bible study on purity, etc.)

4.      Do you have a sister in Christ who is struggling with her purity? If so, in what ways can you assist her in overcoming her struggle?