I was sitting in my senior English class when God
told me to stay home for college. While it was nearly a decade ago, I remember
it so clearly. I sat in the back of the classroom and cried as I realized that
God, the dream giver, was asking me to lay down a dream I’d had for many years.
That afternoon, he spoke to me so loudly. I spent the next month crying and debating
on whether or not I would obey. I heard him, but the choice was mine: keep my
dream, or submit to his will. I submitted; but unbeknownst to me, I would have
to submit many more times along the
road.
A year later, he asked me to lay down my music
aspirations, voice major included. I remember feeling like such a loser when I
changed my major from English/Music to English/Sociology. I didn’t know why God
was making me lay it down, but here I was feeling prompted to lay down another dream. But that wasn’t all.
Don’t worry sister’s, God didn’t let me off that easy. Nope, he asked me to lay
down my dream to be a business owner. Owning
a business was a dream I’d been working on since I was 14 years old. I’d watch
my crafting colleagues become successful selling their wares online and at
craft shows. People would see my items and comment “wow, such talent. These
items are beautiful.” Then they would sit them down and go shop from the vendor
at the next booth.
Everything I ever wanted, I felt like God asked me
surrender. The surrender became so common that there were times I became afraid
to even want things (marriage I’m talking
to you.) I associated surrender with God stripping me from the opportunity
to have my hearts' desires. What I didn’t see, was how every time I allowed him to change
my compass, he was really shaping me into the person I really was. Now all these years later, I can see some of
what he was doing. For instance, music (and let’s be real, fame) were such an
idol. I never knew I had a desire or a call for worship until that idol was out
of the way. And who knew I was called to get a P.h,D.? Me? The girl who couldn’t wait to be done with
college so I could be a full time business woman? If God had of given me some
of the things I so desperately longed for, when I longed for them, I wouldn’t
be in the center of his perfect will for my life.
Something that is so lovely about God is that he
never “forces” us to surrender. In each of these instances, he kindly asked and
kept asking me to surrender. I can’t tell you that surrendering to God’s will
is easy. For the most part, it is not. I also can’t tell you that it will be
easy to allow him to change the direction of your compass. Generally, It isn’t. But when
we allow him to lead the way, the journey is so much more beautiful than
anything we could have ever imagined on our own.
XOXO,
Myah
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